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[May. 14th, 2004|11:56 pm] |
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well. apparently there needs to be some limits to who can read my thoughts, so this will be the last entry that will be open to the world. i feel completely violated, mmhm. so, if you would like to see anymore of the content of my brain, just ask, and ill add you to my friends list. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 13th, 2004|09:15 pm] |
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that trip...was just, a mess. on the way there, every one had a huge fight, except for me, you know since i chose to sleep through it. after that every thing was fine for a good while, after we were done at the eye doctor we went and had an early dinner, got some coffee, stoped off at my grandmas house, then headed to my aunts house, where we stayed for half an hour, then took my cousin bowling. i stayed up late, you know since i thought i would beable to sleep in...but sam, decided to come down into the room in which i was sleeping, at 7:30 in the morning, and play star wars on the computer, with the volume ALL the way up. i slept a little while after that...but these people, they are just morning people. they get up, and bam, they have energy and they're talking to each other and they're doing this and they're doing that and they are as loud as fucking can be while doing all of the things that they do. so i got out of bed, or the couch rather, at 8:30. mom and dad took Raine to where ever they went, and she was a booger and it took them forever. beaucase you know, she fucked up, and shes such a fucking baby that she cant handle the consequences. we had had plans to go shopping, but they got back so late, that we had to just leave, being that raine had to be back home by 5:00. well. mom was almost in tears. dad wanted to scream. raine wouldnt talk to any one. and Brendan, well which episode of his do you want to hear? first he said that gasstation food would be fine, (we hadnt had anything to eat all day) making it so that we wouldnt go to wendy's, then when dad pulled over and started getting out some money, Brendan said that he didnt want gasstation food and flipped out completely, then, once we had pulled out.he got angry and started to punch himself in the face, so dad pulled over at another one, and brendan took for ever, then when he was coming out he stepped in a puddle and got his pants all wet, so you know he reacted like all other human beings would, he started walking over to the car, then decided that he was really mad, and shattered the glass bottle he had all over the fucking place. bleh. theres not much else to say. it was jsut a big mess -_- |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 13th, 2004|12:07 am] |
ugh. the fruiteyness will have to due for now...i dont feel like spending any more time messing with the colors.
so mom woke me up early this morning..and i got ready and we didnt leave untill like 10:30..i slept most of the car ride, which was a good thing, being that from what i did hear in the few minutes i was actualy awake, there was alot of arguing going on. so we went strait to the Doctors office, that didnt last too long, so we went to the pita jungle, which was ok i supposem then out for coffe..and then...we went over to grandmas house *pukes* then to Linda's...then we took sam bowling with us (fat city, AGAIN) then back here to my aunts house...tomorrow..im thinking i get to sleep in..then well go shopping and head home. bleh. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 12th, 2004|08:52 am] |
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well then, i get to head off to denver! for doctors apointments! yay *cringe*. meh. i dont really think i want to go, but i dont really think that i dont want to go...its a lesser of two evils type thing. so ill go..most likely to just sleep again, like last time. do some work..see if i can make up for the school im missing. i only get 8 hours of credit for the trip maybe ten, so i have to make up another 4-6 hours :X more homework. then the week after next i guess...ill miss another day and a half..bleh. music appreciation passage..ya. meh. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2004|11:04 pm] |
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well. hm. i came home early today, walked home during lunch and did some drawing...large group started early today..the kids that went to costa rica did a presentaion..then music class had their cd release party..so clay played some music then Oli, then Stealth practice and then Antiks. so pretty much we had a live Metal/punk show in our large room this morning...that lasted almost untill lucnh..my drawing is really getting better...im super happy about that...although, when i spend too much time doing it, BOB gets angry, and my whole arms decides to swell up..so this morning i felt my arm and it was HUGE (like it is now)meh. im misreble as always. cant even pretend to be happy really..fake a smile here and there, riiiiiiiight. it feels like fire burning black beneath my wrists begging for a razorses kiss, to free it from me skin. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2004|10:28 pm] |
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hm..it was mothers day today..yes..i was in Mexico a year ago...or was i in the grand canyon? or even yet, was i driving to the grand canyon? oh wait no, i was in empalme..ya thats right, we went to this realy nice art school..and then we went to the mothers day show that the public school put on..and then...what..we went to homecoming? now that..that was an interesting experience.. it was more like, ok we're going to rent you students a dance club, and call it good..a freaking dance club..no one was dressed up super fancy or anything..at that moment, i had no idea that i was going to get to be such good friends with some of those kids. hm. i want to be back in mexico so BAD right now. i miss the beach...oh how many hours i sat on the beach, while every one else was in the water (i couldnt really go too far in the water..being that due to my fear of water, you know since brendan almost drowned me when i was little, i didnt pass the swimming test)*sigh* mom said that i might go to Mexico this fall..since i can get credit while im there and what not..spend two weeks with my grandpa and susan (grandma and grandpa divorced a super long time ago, grandpa got remarried to this woman named susan*cringes*, and grandma lives in denver and never got remarried)i think id have to have some one come with me though..i couldnt do two weeks away from home all by myself, with just grandpa and sues..K8 or something would have to come with..hm. well the day was nothing special really..i sat and i drew, and went to the mall..and didnt get anything since mom left all her money at home, so we were only pretending to shop..and drew some more, and cleaned my room a little..hm. raines always telling her friends about how i draw..and every time, theyre all like "omg, shes gotta be super cool" its funny...hahaha. two days of school this week..and then denver and then a half day of school...i get to miss the theater performance *dances* im not so great at improv..nope. regulare old acting is like second nature..but i just cant seem to be funny..i think,,we're ganna go shopping while we're in denver too...woowoo |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 8th, 2004|10:19 pm] |
i finaly had the patiance to get a new lay out..and go through all the stupid color changing crap...the huge red subjects on the other one were really begining to piss me off...well actualy they had been since the very begining...no wonder i never really used subjects. im sure theres a way to fix it but, this is me we're talking about here...im too lazy to figure it out. i was just trying to remember exactly how it was that i got in with the chessroom crowd..how did that work...i remember the first night..i remember exactly how i ever landed in that room..i guess rem, and las and misery and smokey, jsut didnt show up for a couple weeks..so the first night, it was Josh, Roth, Endrin, vamp and i..and then within that week peach showed up, with in the next week Jay showed up..and then las, rem, misery, and smokey came back..its so, weird. ya thats it weird. how had i not spent that first night there, that i probably wouldnt be writing this now..this whole last year would have been so different..but i guess everythings like that..small tiny decisions or happenings can just change things forever..
i had the weirdest dream last night..started out in a hospital, like way old, 150 years or so.. some girl was sick i guess..and all her family was there... so he laid down for a nap and then she got up and started sleepwalking...but her eyes were open, and they were this purple color..the doctor that was in the room said something about not looking some one who's sleep walking in the eye, but the girls mother did, and so the girls pupils got super big then back to regulare size realy fast, and the mother colapsed, dead, i think. im not sure what happened from there, but i ended up in a room full of about 10 generations of this families stuff, all in perfect condition, and this old lady that was there, said that as long as i told her a sad love story, that i could have what ever i wanted. it was so weird, becuase the room had every thing i wanted in it, well not every thing mechanical wise, but clothing and other such stuff. actualy, i guess it was just stuff, that i cant seem to find every day. but it was a really good dream..once i got through the people dieing stuff..i mean imagine it, just for a good hour strait, every five minutes, finding something that youve been looking for for a really long time, and theres was nothing stopping you from keeping it..no money no mother or father saying no its too expensive, or "i could make that better myself". just take it off the rack or the shelf, and its yours. i wanted to go back so bad when i woke up..i tried and i tried..and finaly i fell back asleep, but, every thing was mostly gone..and the things i had had in my arms before were no where to be found. then my mother woke me up, and i had to get out of bed and go see my dads band play at this BBQ..yes BBQ, even though it was ten in the morning..oh ya, my granpa, that lives in mexico half the year, showed up the other day, so we had dinner with him yesterday night, if you want to call salad dinner..but anyways...so we were there for a long while..Brendan stepped on my toe, and now i have a bunch of bruises..and im just a bit sunburnt..but, grandpa came home with us, along with the red baron (unle mikey) and...i did some homework, then the other set of grandparents came over and we had dinner..blah blah blah and so, ya. i hope i can actualy sleep in tomorrow..instead of waking up at 7 -_- |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 6th, 2004|07:14 pm] |
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i seem to have the amazing ability, to just, disapear. that must be it, yes. thats the only way that i can comprehend how people can just, ignore the fact that im living. seriously. i dont get it. i spent the day in aspen, following the group around like a neglected child, and no one gave a flying fuck. i could have fallen on my face, and no one would have even noticed..hell, i could have gotten hit by a car, and none of them would have stoped..thats how bad it was. but..i had a suprise at the aspen art museum, which was why we were in aspen in the first place.the kids in the valley show was happening... so we got there, and went directly upstairs to the highschool part of it, which was all photography..and i was looking around, and there, sitting on the wall, were three pictures with my name next to them...and then i found another in the stairwell all blown up and big... i entered this contest, i think it was second quarter, where they gave me a disposable camera and a month or so before i had to turn it in, undeveloped. all the schools in the valley were given five cameras..and then they were going to put four pictures off each camera in the show.and i completely forgot about it. so that was a strange suprise. that was about it...i was of course misrable most of the day..no suprise there..but atleast it was for different reasons this time..being that the reason for all my other bad days, wasnt there today, and wont be tomorrow either..ohya! people are jsut assuming that im goth or something now...just because the clothes that are comfortable and fit me, just happen to end up being black. i have what, five pairs of pants. three of which arent black. people, seriously think that im like all dark and shit now..i hate it. |
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| Now I'm ready to be free |
[May. 5th, 2004|04:41 pm] |
im sure this is getting hard to follow. i know i sure am confused with it all, changing by the day. yesterday it was the same, nothing different from monday. today, oh jesse decided that he'd hang around for two hours between break and lunch, and then half an hour into lunch, and even then, he only left because he had class. i cant complain, even though i didnt get much work done. it was nice to have some one around for a change..hm.
And you never would have thought in the end
How amazing it feels just to live again
It's a feeling that you cannot miss
it burns a hole through everyone that feels it |
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| Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be |
[May. 3rd, 2004|04:17 pm] |
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hm. well, i thought the school situation would be all fixed, and school would no longer be such an unpleasant place to be as it has for the last week and a half. what the hell was i thinking? no, jesse will always be distant and far off. thats that, ill have to deal with it. *shrug* ive been sleeping horribly. cant fall asleep at night, wake up early in the morning...must have woken up a million times last night, woke up at two with cramps and some other stomach issue..stayed up untill like three. then, this morning, i managed not to get out of bed untill 45 after..and i felt so shitty, yet, i went to school anyways. i wasted fist hour, second hour was a very boring large group, and then i read untill lunch. i called dad half way through lunch to ask him to come get me, and then i went outside and sat with christina and jesse and k8..k8 went inside and jesse and christina were reading through her journal >.< something big..i didnt catch it. doesnt matter though, ill never know every thing, or anything, about what k8 does with her self..i cant really call her a bestfriend, shes only around when no one else is there for her to go hang out with, she hides things, does something nice for me every once in a while..but.. i just dont matter...i guess i never have...my dad suprisingly came and got me only half an hour or so after i called him..so im home now, wasted all afternoon doing nothing...good thing i got ten hours of homework done this weekend..although they were supposed to help me be catched up, not so that i can miss more school-_- |
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| Couldn't take this town much longer |
[Apr. 30th, 2004|08:44 pm] |
well i was happy, but, Nathan, just kind of squashed it =\ i cant blame him, he doesnt know how fragile i am when im depressed, no one really does, and if they do, they dont care not to break me. hell, he probably didnt even know that i was depressed in the first place. once again, people usualy dont know when im depressed, and if they do, alot of them dont care. besides, i wasnt really actualy happy, i was just filled to the brim with caffien, and have been all day. every time it would start to ware off, more was put in front of me, begining ten minutes after i woke up. it was a nice little break from feeling like shit, but the crash was a little harsh..made up for all the unhappieness i didnt feel today. serves me right eh? even though i didnt, do too much wrong today, in doing what i did. Jesse may like me, and i may like Jesse, and we may know that we like eachother, but does that mean too much? no. why? because im not with him. hes a friend, we both understand that. and every one else should understand that too.im not ganna go screwing things over with Josh. because i really very much like josh. and the fact that im not giving him up for some one thats actualy physicaly here every day, should prove that. and so, every thing that was loaded on top of my depression, is now taken care of. Jesse doesnt hate me. ill never really understand why what all happened happened, but thats not so important. now, if i can just, be happy, things would be fine. ya, just fine. but clearly, that isnt going to happen anytime soon.
i did end up having to go to the councler...my parents came with. thats kinda worked out, i have to go back in another two weeks. but, there is one up side, that is that she mentioned that theres only so much that thearapy can do, and sugested that they take me to the doctor and get testing for depression done and to get some medication. i did a whole lot of nothing today really..i wasted alot of the school day, doing nothing. i went to carbondale..went to java joes, councling, the taco shop, and the thrift store, then to ccs where i sat for an hour, then ate food and listened to little children sing. now im back home, extreamly annoyed and full of tears. more people telling me that how i am is super easy to over come. they have no fucking idea. if it was so easy, i would be done, i would be the most fucking out going person to ever sit on this planet. because i try soo hard.i try every day, i have for a very long time. ive had to. i dont go to school, and sit in a room with the same 20 people every day, like i did for however many years i did. if it was so fucking easy, well, i would be a lot happier at the moment. but its not, and im not. part of it, is that im shy, and ill always be that way. and i dont want to be super outgoing. i dont want to be forward and annoying. i annoy myself more then anything when im loud and talk alot. im not happy then im not happy now, im not sure that ill ever be happy..it just doesnt matter anymore. |
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| At last it's finally over |
[Apr. 29th, 2004|09:23 pm] |
something partialy ok out of a forward? well its a miracle, i must share it with you.
The Most Functional Word:
Well, it's shit...that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
Consider:
You can get shit-faced,
Be shit out of luck, or
have shit for brains.
With a little effort,
you can get your shit together,
Find a place for your shit, Or
be asked to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit,
buy shit,
sell shit,
lose shit,
find shit,
forget shit, and
tell others to eat shit.
Some people know their shit,
while others can't tell the difference between Shit and
Shinola.
There are lucky shits,
dumb shits,
crazy shits,
There is bull shit,
horse shit and
chicken shit.
You can throw shit,
sling shit,
catch shit,
shoot the shit, or
duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or
serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or
be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit,
some days are hotter than shit, and
some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit,
things can look like shit, and
there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit,
not enough shit,
the right shit,
the wrong shit or
a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit
have a mountain of shit, or
find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and
other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling
like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building
block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else
*shrug*
well, i still feel like shit, there isnt any thing new going on..same shit defferent day, you know the drill. maybe, with a few words i can clear things up. maybe. at the small risk of making things worse, and a large chance of opening up a whole nother can of worms. |
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| This could be my chance to say good-bye |
[Apr. 28th, 2004|10:08 pm] |
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uhh..ya. i speant most of my day in one chair, or rather half of it, and then the other half in another, infront of a computer, ready and listening to music. the first part of the day was spent at a table, reading. that was school...i would have gone and done my depressed reading out in the large room on the comfy far right corner of the couch, like i always do, but the room was being used for ACT's..so i was stuck with the wooden chairs in big A'a room (Big A is really my adviser Aaron, just hes called big A, being that hes almost 7 feet tall) every one got back from costa rica today, so the building is no longer quiet, and K8 is no longer, with me half as much. not with sam and kelsey around-_- so, i get to go about my misrableness, alone. and in niosyness. when i got home, mom forced me to super wal-mart and sonicburger...that was just, both brendan and raine were hyper..it was just too much..so, i dunno. my near future isnt looking to bright at the moment. i can only hope that i suddenly get better..that wont happen. i told my parents that im not going to that councler anymore, that they should cancel my apointment, that im done with her. if theres even the slightest chance of her making anything worse, then im never setting foot in her office again. |
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| This could be my chance to break out |
[Apr. 27th, 2004|08:00 pm] |
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i tried to make myself believe i was dead today, just walked down the hall telling myself that i was dead, that i was invisible to the world. it would have felt so nice had i actualy been able to do it. but i never got there. maybe, if i could just put myself into some sort of trance, i would be ok, keep myself from doing anything, that could screw things over, like walking into the kitchen reaching into a drawer and slicing myself to bits..it'd be that easy, and even though im not thinking like that now, i may in the near future. if things continue in the direction that they are headed now, well then im bound to end up hurting myself, and im not sure i really want that, even though i feel like it. so as you could probably tell, my day was pretty horrid. why? beause of...Stuff..*caugh*Jesse*caugh* dont ask. hes just being an ass. perhaps...depening on what k8 does with the info i gave her today, things will change with that. i hope it does, being that i dont think things are going to change anytime soon other wise. |
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| While I'm standing in the river drowning |
[Apr. 26th, 2004|04:40 pm] |
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i learned something interesting just now...and that is, that Lugh is super politicaly informed. finaly some one that believes the same things i do! atleast in the cr. theres no trouble with that at school or anything..just online. i cant discuss things with people in CR generaly, with out getting called a baby killer. seriously.. the one time i voiced my opinnion..ugh. that was horrid. the fact that it was one against like 5, didnt help either. sure, if i was organized i could take down one person, but five..no way..especialy since i couldnt get a word in inbetween all the insults that they were throwing at me-_- in their eyes, i may be ignorant, but atleast im tolerant of other peoples beleifes. its odd. i seem to be having reacuring themes. for example drinking and drugs. and then today, tolernance. at large group this morning, some students from cmc (colorado mountain colage) came and talked to us about tolerance. they came and did a servay a few weeks back, and they came to follow up on it, this time brining the whole class. they split us all up into three groups, and put us in the charge of two students. the guy that we had was pretty cool. so basicaly we just discussed dircrimination for an hour.. talked about first impresions, about judging people by what you see on the out side, and about how when you treat that person according to that, its discrimination. |
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| Still I can see it coming |
[Apr. 25th, 2004|08:52 pm] |
i havnt been able to sleep very well..i dont know what it is, but i wake up for five minutes atleast every hour. last night it was better, but then, brendan came home at 4 in the morning, and was so damn loud that he woke me up, and kept me up for atleast half an hour. i was so out of it. it was like, drainage from what ever i had been dreaming, i felt like, you know when people get all stupid looking and get that dazed look in their eyes and that silly smile on their face..that was me..then i would get all sad and then, just back and forth and back and forth..it was...just..messed up.. so the reason brendan came in bawling at 4 in the morning was because, Mr. wasted/high Aaron had kicked him ut of the house claiming that he had made sexual advances towards him. sure that wouldnt have been such a big deal, had Aarons house not been 10 miles out of town, and had brendans eyes been better. so brendan found a payphone at a reststop, and called home.
so thats why maggie didnt want me with them. becuase they were going to get wasted and high and god knows what else. supposedly she told me that. i dont remember it. ya, i bitched her out pretty bad this afternoon. got really pissed at her..she says that she never hid anything from me, and if she did it was because she thought i would be uncomfortable with it. she got angry, said that it wasnt my business and that it was really sad that i thought that i it was. i guess, my definition of friend is way out of sorts. either that or she doesnt consider us friends. k8 hides stuff alot too then i guess. thats why i never hear about her weekends anymore.. thats why she doesnt spend anymore time with me too i bet..she would much rather go get high or drunk. cant compete with that can i? especialy since i was boring in the first place |
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| each day gets more and more like the last |
[Apr. 24th, 2004|09:28 pm] |
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hm. i still feel like shit. it got better and then just now...it got horrible. every one came back later, along with maggie and k8...and i guess i kinda hung out with them, if thats what you want to call it. then when they were begining to leave, they didnt invite me or anything, and my mom said something to them, and so they asked if i wanted to come with..and ya, i wanted to, it was a chance to uh, not be stuck at home for a night. so we took quite a while getting ready, then finaly we got out side..and i geuss maggie and k8 had to go get some money from k8s house, and then they were going to meet every one else at the Bridge downtown at 10...so i was going to go with maggie and k8, and maggie decided that they would bring me back before they went to bridge. by then it was already 9:20. it takes atleast ten minutes to get to the bridge..so i would have gone to k8's house, then come home. that was pointless so, i said that i just wasnt going to go. k8 asked maggie why i couldnt go to the bridge with them, and maggie said that they were going to be out late, and made a bunch of other really sorry excuses, that just basicaly meant "sorry, i dont want her to come" ya...shes a great friend.makes me feel the best i could ever feel, mmhm. i guess i just dont, fit in. im limited by what other people see me as, or what i used to be. well, im done with sitting on my ass 24/7, im done whineing and complaining every second of every day. im not a fucking little girl. and i hate that no one will ever give me the chance to show them how much ive changed. k8 and maggie..theyre really the only people i have. and they just, i guess im not cool enough or something, how could any one be cool enough for maggie? i guess im just not hardcore enough. im almost completely different then i used to be. ya sure, im still the quiet girl, that no one really knows and is just kind there some times, but ive grown up alot. but i guess, if im just ganna be a little tag along in someones eyes, then theres no point in going anyways. |
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| not enough to feed the hungry |
[Apr. 21st, 2004|10:46 pm] |
i was just looking back through some of Justin's journal..out of pure bordeness and lack of anything to do..and it just...poor kid:( i wouldnt ever be able to get by with out having dreams of the future...that like, the whole point of living, if i knew that iwas just going to die, then i wouldnt see any point. it would make it seem like there was no time left for things to get better..but i dunno, im not in that situation, maybe it gives you the strength to make every thing better..
so here i am, only miles away from josh..and yet, i cant be with him. that, completely sucks. its worse, then knowing that hes not within reach. becuase either way i cant be with him, but atleast when he's far away, theres an actual reason as to why i cant be with him. i think ill go to bed though, its late , and i know i wont sleep too well, and i have to get up earlier then ususal in the morning...meh. |
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| standing with your spot light on me |
[Apr. 21st, 2004|03:30 pm] |
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its been a, eh sad day i guess, or atleast the start of one...got kinda depressed by lunch :\ maybe even before that. jesse had been hanging around alot since the theater trip, atleast on the days that i was actualy at school..and then all of a sudden, today, he just stopped. bairly said two words to me :(. wouldnt be so bad, if i had other people to hang around with. but him and k8, are, or were should i say, pretty much the only ones. i was getting used to, having some one to actualy talk to. you know, a friend. i had forgotten how nice having one is. but eh, guess, im just, not befriendable. it really does make me feel shitty.. i mean i really really feel horrid at the moment. almost to the point of crying, but i guess thats not irregualar when im depressed. ugh. i almost dont want to go to denver.. maybe i shouldnt. just stay here, wake my self up in the morning, hop on the bus and go to school..i shouldnt be missing anymore school anyways..*sigh* now its my turn to want to disapear. nothing's going anywhere anyways..theres nothing to ever look forward to, its just like the same day repeating its self over and over again..so much bad stuff has happened..for the moment its hard to believe that something better is on its way. i know im not comfortable with how things are, but, it seems that i cant change it. i dont even know that its worth putting the effort in right now. just, wtf happened? i was so happy yesterday, i wasnt so lonely anymore, and i had a good day, and now.. i just want to die. jesse was the one that cheered me up in the first place...and now hes returned me to exactly where i probably would have been if he hadnt. shouldnt i be used to depression yet? ive only been dealling with it since, as long as i can remember. but, im not sure that i can be happy. i know that, i rather die a thousand deaths then live me life with tears always streaking my cheeks. and it only seems to be getting worse. it got better there for a while but..now its worse then its been in a long time. i dont even know how ive gotten this far. i dont understand how ive gotten through so many days of wanting to die, with out a scratch, or a scar. i dont know how ive done it, i dont know how im just supposed to keeping doing the same thing, letting it just pass by. slowly, im running out of the curage to get through every day. soon ill loose all power or will to live, just, fall to the floor, with out life. let my eyes go vacant, just let the pain flood into my blood, and take over the whole of me..i cant fight it forever. |
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| is it worth it can you even hear me |
[Apr. 20th, 2004|09:47 pm] |
well. back to school, the first real week for me.. and what can i say, school, is school. except, i find that i want to be there while im at home. there are multiple possible reasons for that, on i will keep to my self, and the other being that while i am there, im not at home, so there for i dont whave to deal with the things that jsut happening to be going on in my house, and for the most part i dont have to deal with the people. other then my mother, who, comes up to me atleast five times a day, and asks all the same questions..and she scares off all the people that might just happen to be around. Brendan for the most part just leaves me alone..unless hes talking to the people i may just happen to be with.. so, pretty much, its a better envorement, then my own house is. thats nice to know. i guess ill be pretty screwed during the summer? hopefully every thing will have cleared up by then, and nothing else will have come up. schools a nice place though at the moment, and i dont mind spendind my hours sunken into the big confy couches in the large room(biggest room in the school, unclaimed by an advisory group, and used by every one, as study space or a class room.) although, that mixed with my medicine,= nap time. or the inclination to close my eyes and fall asleep. but i shouldnt be doing that. nope.
so tomorrow, at 6:00 pm, were going to Denver, nice break from raine :P i thought we would be leaving earlier, and i hoped i would get to do something wtih Josh..but i guess not:\ we'll probably leave around two the next day im guessing.. be back in time for both my brother and my mother to go to work. pretty pointless for me to go..but i hate staying at other peoples houses, especialy on school nights, so i'm just ganna go. the disttlers are playing that night too>.< damn i wish i could go to that, talk about an awsome show. too bad for me. perhaps i should go to bed,,now that ive gotten so distracted and cat remember all the other stuff i wanted to write..silly me |
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